I started writing this blog entry a few weeks ago, but couldn't get it out because I wasn't feeling so hopeful. Sometimes things just happen and sometimes things are just hard. In February I had a big "relapse" of symptoms. It all started with the strep throat and everything went downhill from there. I became not functional again. My body just stopped working and I went back to being in so much pain. I've been getting so much help from soooo many people. It's been a difficult time right now especially after seeing so much improvement over the months prior. The hardest part is having no real answers. Docs are smart, but apparently not smart enough for me :) One called me an "enigma." Before this set back I was feeling very hopeful. Things were always moving forward and I figured they would just do so and I would look back at this time with gratitude. But the relapse really made things hard for me. It was so hard to feel hopeful again. I was negative, angry, and sad.
Since those weeks I have been improving somehow. My body just keeps fighting whatever this is. It's been almost 19 months since I first got "sick." My mom has been here a lot which has been so great. It's nice to have the company and life seems a little more normal when she is here. In all of this we have seen so many blessings. Just little things. The changes in my children. The changes in Joey. The changes in me. We are all learning through this. I often realize that it could be so much worse and I am grateful for challenges in life. They really do make us grow and give us strength that we never knew that we had. Faith, hope, and patience are at the top of the list of life lessons in all of this.
I never thought I would be sick this long. Actually, I never thought I would be sick like this ever in my life. But for some reason we are often given the challenges that we felt we never could handle. I appreciate life so much more and in spite of these challenges we can still find peace and happiness. Some days it takes a lot to get there, but those are the days that we are strengthened. I realize what I really want from life and I am still hopeful that all of this will right itself somehow. I know that the answers will come, that I am not alone, and things will get better. Patience. It's the hardest lesson to learn.
5 comments:
I am so sorry Annie. I truly wish I could be closer and give you a helping hand. You are an amazing example of hope to me and faith and patience. I miss you and wish you the best.
We pray for you every day...that you'll feel better and that you'll find answers to get you there. You have great perspective though. We all need a little reminder of how powerful hope, faith and patience can be in our lives. We love you!
Lots of love and HOPE your way sweetie! I wish I knew more what was going on. Sure love you.
Love ya girl. Beautiful post.
We love you and I think about you every day, multiple times a day. Avery prays for you in every prayer that she says, we just know you are going to get better, that your body will find the strength to get through this and that your family will be better for having gone through it, but I being a mom who is completely stretched thin doing just the basics WITHOUT being sick, know the toll that this must take on you and your family, and we are just so proud of you for standing up and doing it and for doing it so well!! Hang in there and keep it up!! We're hoping right along with you!!!! Thanks for posting, it is so fun to hear from you and how you are doing. Plus now we can talk about something else when we see you, you won't have to converse only about your health. You know?!
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